Thoughts: I'm a Writer?

I’m doing this thing that I’ve mentioned on occasion called Writing. Right. Write. Really. I know that’s a weird thing to say, of course I’m writing. I write all the damn time. Sometimes I write in this blog. Daily I write in my journal. Hourly I put words on Twitter.

I’m obsessive with writing. It’s this weird thing I’ve been doing ever since I learned that putting letters on paper in a certain order made words. Frequently they were the wrong letters in a bizarre order. But still, words! Sentences! Paragraphs! Thoughts! Ideas! Stories? I started keeping my first diary when I moved to Florida in 3rd grade and while there have been periods of quiet I’ve never stopped.

I have notebooks full of stuff. I have notebooks half full of stuff. I have notebooks with a page full of stuff. I have a quote book that I’ve inflicted upon my friends (and filled with our nonsense). I have a self-inflicted rule that I’m not allowed to buy any more notebooks until I use more of the ones I all ready own. I frequently break that rule, but I try.

However, in all of this writing and babbling I never actually believed that I could write anything of any real length. Sure, I’ve written a few short stories, some really bad poetry, a short screenplay or two. A novel though? Not bloody likely! What about a feature? I don’t have the patience or the focus for a feature!

Yeah. Belief. What a funny thing.

I know I've all ready talked about it but I'm saying it again. Guys, I’m writing a feature. For real here. I know, I’m probably jinxing myself talking about it as it’s happening. I’m not allowed to keep a running page count anywhere (I’m on page 87). I shouldn’t be so giddy when it’s not even done.

I am though! Giddy that is. I’m giddy and surprised and pleased. I honestly don’t really think it’s very good, yet at least, but the fact that I’m actually writing this thing. I’ve been working on it for a solid two months now, after leaving the idea alone for two years, and it feels so real.

And please don't ask what it's about or if you can read it or anything like that. We'll get to that but we're not there yet. Yeah, I shouldn't talk about it if I don't want to TALK about it. I do a lot of things I shouldn't do.

This writing thing is such a strange development. It’s my work. I’m unemployed sure, but I’m still working. Every day I write something. Sometimes it’s just notes in one of my many notebooks. Sometimes it’s five whole pages. Sometimes it’s not even one. Some days I write for twenty minutes. Yesterday I wrote for over four hours.

I think what’s most exciting about this for me (other than the fact that I’ve written 87 freakin pages) is that I’m discovering things about myself. I’m learning what works for me. I’m realizing that I actually have a process. A process! My very own!

I’m putting together words that are forming sentences that are telling a story.

I don’t think of myself as a writer. I don’t think of myself as a director. I only vaguely think of myself as a filmmaker. I feel like these are all titles that I need to earn. How can I be a writer if I’ve never really finished anything that feels substantial? How can I be a director when I’ve only directed one short film? I work in the film industry so I guess I can sort of get away with the filmmaker thing. Even that I’m not so sure of yet.

I don’t know. When do I get to call myself these things? These are the things I aspire to. I suppose I’ll get there eventually.

For now, it’s just one word in front of another.

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In the meantime, other things!

Movies!
There are good movies out right now that people should see. I highly recommend Hurt Locker and (500) Days of Summer. I also really enjoyed Harry Potter. Transformers 2 I skipped but I have to admit that I kind of really want to see The Ugly Truth. Funny People looks possibly worthwhile and Humpday I cannot wait to see.

Photos!
I gave in and made my Flickr Pro. I'm very pleased. The photo posting will not be stopped. My Photostream

Crafts!
I love crafts. I love people who make cool, original things. Sometimes I buy them. Some recent cool discoveries from the Renegade Craft fair:

Vital Industries: They make cool shirts with bikes. I love all things bicycle related.


Supermaggie: More fun t-shirts. And notebooks! I adore the little notebook I got.



And finally, Ex Libris Anonymous: Not only do they make super cool notebooks, they are SUPER cool people.



(This is the part where I fail at not buying more notebooks. So worth it though.)

That's where life has me right now. Broke, unemployed, writing. It's certainly been an interesting year so far. What's the rest of '09 got in store?